SAVING FOR RETIREMENT

We're so broke we're saving laundry mat dryer lint to knit us a new blankie.

Some old men who want to sell us insurance say it's a good idea to budget and save money.  We think about this as we drink Starbucks and shop online for another build-your-own-catapult kit.

Do it. Do it NOW!

Perhaps there are a few good ways to save money.

First is to have some.

In order to find the dough that we are told we need to save, we go to where it all begins - the Casino.

Friends may rush to the tables, but we walk around looking for chips and coins on the floor. Lo and Behold! We find a quarter and in the pocket it goes.

We also find a platter of FREE! donuts.  And free fountain drinks, but the cups are so small. Boy are they cheap here.  We eat three donuts.

We run into several people and spill some Diet Coke. They yell we're not looking where we're going.  We explain we're making money. Now we have to leave.

But we can't give up yet, we need retirement security - though we wonder what the big deal is since we've already seen every episode of The Golden Girls.  

There is another way to get money, we hear that people will pay us to answer surveys. We sign up quick.

This guy ask a lot of questions. What do we think about denture cream? Oh, we love it, we think it's very creamy.

But something is going wrong because he says we must first have their product and not just opinions.  Crummy details.  

Brilliant idea! Pawn Shop. 

John Lovitz signed headshot will bring in big bucks, we are sure.  Chain and leather pants we wore to four first dates haven't been much luck, they can also go. 

Still more problems.  Here at the pawn shop, they don't know who John Lovitz is. They said go and try next door with the pants. We look out the window and we let them know it's an adult video store.  They laugh. 

But good news! They say they like us, and will give us five whole dollars if we dance like a monkey.  We dance.  We hoot and hollar and make ooo ooo aaaa aaa aaaa sounds.  We do scratching movements. 

They say we can come back any time.

We head to Starbucks next door for a much-needed pick me up.  We've got just enough for a Venti.  How anybody ever has a dime to save, we will never know.