However we are beginning to believe we are better stewards of our little tuppance than all multimillionaire NFL team owners (combined) who are attempting to procure aging manpower. Case in point is the recent buy-the-pot approach these cuckoos are using to sign Peyton Manning.
Such vast funds could and should be put to better use. A good idea might be building a Worldwide Railway System with tracks made out of super-hardened recycled water bottles.
Or even more fitting, recruiting fresh, innovative and CHEAP new blood to the football field:
1. (BRISTLE-BRUSH) PACK MULE
1. (BRISTLE-BRUSH) PACK MULEWhat animal is more known for pulling its own weight than the Pack Mule?
This creature lives and breathes for heavy loads, such as a beefcake linebacker, and merely needs the occasional and tasty apple.
A quick google search shows a "sale barn" price of $1,300 - $2,000.
Love me in the morning.
2. MISC. TRACTOR (ROJO)
The great thing about an antique tractor is its capacity to "plow" over a lot of dudes. Plus its spray-paintable.
Since these are obviously collectors items, licensing would be cheap, and you'd never go over the mileage cap with snails-pace yardage of most football games.
Randomnized search shows a quality John Deere for $11,500 - $53,500.
Zoom, Zoom.
3. ANY OF THE FOLLOWING PERSONS would also do nicely, for reasons quite obvious: - Mickey Rourke
- Mr. T
- Mr. T
- Conan the Barbarian
- Johnny 5
- Beth's grandfather (beast)
- The Eldery, in general*
- Hillary Clinton
- Nicolas Sarkozy
- Canadian Mountie
- Mexican wrestler
- Simon/Garfunkle
* aging player alternative
Beth's grandfather is NOT pictured.
Can you accurately price a reasonable salary for any of them?
1 comment:
Dude, Grandpa? Give the man a break! He deserves the right to relax and spend money, not play beast of burden.
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