THE APATHETIC CHEF: AN HOMAGE

We've not an ounce of cuisine hubris. Here at the Bethanite, when we have lunch ordered in, it's because someone is willing to take a 7-11 run.

So great is our love for efficient meals, that we want to pay a special tribute to an oft-overlooked corner of the cooking world wherein dwells the Apathetic Chef.

Shoots and leaves everyday... why not?

An affectionate term given to those who embody the antithesis of a "foodie", the Apathetic Chef is the person who sneers not at simple dining of cheese and crackers for breakfast, for snack, for lunch, for snack, for dinner, for snack, for snack, and for dessert.

Cheesy

Salty

Soup's on!

Requiring no complicated preparation instructions to run the micro-wave, the Apathetic Chef considers hardback cookbooks as suitable coasters, and watches cooking programs only to support the ones they love.
Indeed, these persons are so effectively ungourmet, they are gourmette.

Our beloved Beth typifies the Apatheic Chef. While living abroad four five months, she owned only a pie plate, a $9.00 skillet and one metal fork. She recounts:

      "I used the skillet just once, one night when I was so bold as to venture into the basement kitchens and boil a dozen eggs. The skillet was so shallow the eggs could not be fully immersed into the water, so I stood watch and turned them with the fork. It was exhausting."

Brunch? Lunch? Linner?

Do you qualify as an Apathetic Chef? Take our quick survey to find out:

• Are you "nonchalant" about what you eat? meaning you eat what's in front of you, meaning you eat what you can find, meaning you don't eat if you run out of food?
• Do an apple and a single-serve box of raisins for dinner sound reasonable?
• Is the local gas station cashier making fresh coffee and restocking the taquitos in the morning just for you?
• If you were asked to cook a meal, would panic ensue when you realized you owned no cookware besides a ceramic mug that says 'World's Second Greatest Grandpa'?
• When you drop a foodstuff on the ground, is the five-second rule flexible up to a minute?

If you said yes to two or more of these questions, you might be an Apathetic Chef.